#StevenLang

I saw the future as clearly as day.

The Honda CR-Z. A beautiful machine that would finally marry that elusive dream couple, sport and fuel economy, for less than $20,000.

It had to be a hit. Just had to…

The Lord Needs No Restraint

Gentlemen, there’s some automotive/emotional baggage that I need a resolution for.

I’m finally in a position to replace a Celica with something that will possibly see an HPDE, and the occasional autocross. I have $9000 to spend. Although the Celi drove beautifully, it wasn’t a viscerally thrilling car and I’d like to learn the dynamics of a rwd platform.

Back in April, Sajeev and Steve found some time to reply to my letter where I posed the impossible question. As gearheads, we all want something fun, fast, efficient, and cheap (well, most of us want cheap). Much like a traction circle, all these needs are in competition and in order to make good on one you need to sacrifice another. The ultimate gearhead car, unfortunately, does not exist and it never will.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t good, affordable vehicles out there which are fun to drive while ticking most of the boxes. And, this time, I actually followed the advice of someone else and couldn’t be happier.

Want a cheap car? Buy a minivan. Even in today’s tough market, a minivan is a tough sell. A dealer friend of mine now has over 50 minivans spread out at four different locations. Not a single one sold so far this month. Only three sold the month before. In our business we don’t call that slow. We call that, “Yikes!”

It’s as if minivans are the automotive version of leprosy. Or perhaps the 2000’s version of a station wagon. Nobody wants em’. Nobody buys em’.

But should they?

Every night before I go the an auto auction, I do a mental exercise. It involves figuring out exactly what I’m going to bid on and why. My lot is small and as a consequence, I’m very minded of what is chosen. If the vehicle you buy is bought at a great price but sits, you just screwed yourself. It’s always better to get the popular cars… unless you find something really out of left field.

Then you can get a real killer deal.

“We just got cited Steve.” My wife had called me and sounded as confused as could be.

“What?”

“Something about Code 2009… I can’t read this… hold on…”

“Honey? What the hell does that mean?”

It turns out that I had been cited for a truly heinous and despicable act. Parking my own car on my own driveway. Some misguided jackass (we’ll just call her Jacqueline) had decided to inform me that my car, the Barnacle Bitch, was now a flagrant violator of the county’s brand new law.

Here is what it stated:

Used cars give automobile buyers the best possible bang for the buck– except when they don’t. As a professional dealer, I could tell you stories of used car calamities that would make public transportation seem like the only sensible option. Tales of stitched together death traps that looked as new as the day both cars were born. Cars with supposedly clean registration papers that turned out to be hotter than Peachtree Street in mid-August. Instead, I’m going to tell you how to buy a used car without getting your proverbial clock cleaned.

Have you ever been to an auto auction? Some may consider an auctioneer to be a ‘carny’. He talks at over 200 mph. Mumbling what appears to be nothing more than gibberish and random numbers.

But if you added all the sales up by those supposed hucksters, you would soon realize that only Wall Street and Walmart sell more goods over the course of a year. Over ten million cars are bought and sold at auctions by these professionals. Hundreds of thousands of dealers have access to the vehicles. With all that free market competition taking place, Carmax is just one of many dealers that must compete for all those cars.

Can Carmax offer a ‘good value’ compared to all that competition?

What is luxury?

Back in 1999, that was an easy question to answer in the U S of A. Three Letters: S U V . When I first started in the auction business these mastodons absolutely dominated the marketplace. You could go to the nearest Ford factory auction and quite literally pick out your colors, trim, and options. Want running boards, all wheel drive and a trip computer? Sure. Want it in Black with the all too common grey interior? Absolutely! Want to get it all in a model exactly like the Ford Explorer but call it something different for the hell of it? Well, why not!

The 1999 Mercury Mountaineer rang up at $30k loaded when new. 12 years, $4 gas, and 180k miles later, I bought it at a public sale for $1200. Should I…

I have always been a ‘keeper’. Even though my inventory varies these days from muscle car’s to minivan’s, my own daily driver has always been a long-term affair. It’s an addiction that goes well beyond cars. Quality, stewardship. An opportunity to make your professional work enduring. Keeping and preserving your ride usually goes well beyond the economics of the car itself. That’s why the most fervent of horse traders in any business will eventually find a personal keeper or two. And chances are it’s not always going to be something that is flashy or popular.

My pants still fit me from college. Well, they are sweatpants after all. They were given to me by a friend of mine who is known as a ‘Datsunaholic’. He keeps a few old cars. A few of those models have been written up by Paul Niedermeyer who now keeps a lot of houses along with his new web site. He invariably finds ‘keeper folk’ from all walks of life. But most of the people he finds are not car enthusiasts at all. Why do they ‘keep’ these cars then? Are they perhaps hoarders? Do they suffer the afflictions of the wantless? Or is this just another write-up inspired by Kevin Bacon?

I remember it like it was today. We had a long line of trade-in’s going through the public auction and I was working the ring. When you’re down on the ground at the auction, your job is to hoot, holler, and help the auctioneer create the urgency to buy. In most states you are called a ‘ringman’ and for the next two hours, my job would be to use everything but jumbled auctioneer’s English. As a ringman my powers of persuasion are eyes, hands, body, and a fair bit of negotiating after the final bid falls short of the reserve. I read people. Just as I do when I’m on the block, and by 2002 I had already finished in the top 10 in the World Auctioneer’s Championship as a ringman. But forget about that lucky accolade. At the moment, I needed a minivan for my wife.

The leather still has that fragrant smell of dead thick cow skin and the interior offers a better living space than many Manhattan apartments. It only has 104,000 original miles after 21 pampered years on the smooth roads of North Georgia. Everything about it is world class. But as soon as I utter the name BMW, some of you will be instantly turned off. A Yuppiemobile. A prestigious status symbol loaded with whatever arrogance and hubris the Germans can muster. Not to mention that it’s not a Lexus, or a Jaguar, or a….

The Volvo 740 was a rolling pile of boredom for most folks. A typical midsized sedan that was a bit heavy, a bit underpowered, very safe, and downright spartan in base form. Where’s the fun in all that? Well it depends on where you drive it. Take this video and marvel in a car that could drift like a 240SX given the right combination of snow, skinny snow tires, and a driver that could have easily passed for the stig’s Swedish sister . If there is anything that can get me into my 1993 Volvo 940 (the 740’s twin brother), it would be a video like this. How about you? Any video flights of fancy that remind you of the greatness that is your daily driver?

The girlfriend had become a wife. A beautiful wedding that would forever change two lives took place on a sunny Georgia afternoon, June 12th, 1999. My wife was the oldest of six and would be the first in her family to marry. I, the youngest of four, would be the last. Both families were conservative and traditional in that all too regional way. My cut-throat New Jersey mentality was tempered with a determination to do what I wanted to do in life. Damn the shackles of the corporate world and the pointless long hours. I would find a way to beat the system and enjoy free time instead of paperwork and fluorescent lights. ‘She’ wanted to be a mom. But that was years down the road… or so I thought.