2018 Audi RS3 Review - Wizard of Aahs

It’s nice to be born into good stock. Having the correct last name or access to a hefty trust fund certainly gives one a leg up on their competition. We see this in business, Hollywood … and car lines, too.

Not everyone makes the best of the hand they’re dealt. Plenty of famous sons and daughters have frittered away their chance at greatness assuming they can coast on the accomplishments of their forebears instead of doing, y’know, actual work.

The newly christened Audi Sport branch of the Haus der Ingolstadt trades upon its 80-year trail of success on motorsport. The R8, the RS5, and the fabulously bonkers RS7 all live up to family expectations with fabulous driving dynamics and a healthy dose of performance. Can their new little brother, the compact and slight manic RS3 do the same? Or has it simply been given a corner office without earning it?

The TL;DR is this: yes, dear reader, the RS3 is absolutely worthy of inclusion in the same sentence as its accomplished ancestors. Far from being a small sedan onto which Audi has simply applied visual juju, the RS3 has a sublime interior, goes like stink, handles superbly, and sounds great doing so. For all of you who simply clicked to find out the verdict, there it is. Scroll down the rest of the page for a bunch of pictures. Cool? Cool. Thanks for reading.

All right, good. Now we’ve gotten rid of those losers, we can talk in detail about what makes the RS3 really special – its engine. The inline-five is steeped in Audi Sport history like a record producer’s office is steeped in a fine dust of white powder. In a world filled with four-cylinder engines boosted to within an inch of their lives, this direct injection turbo five-pot excites the senses with an exhaust note that, at 88-decibels of full throttle, sounds like God’s own bedsheets being torn in half.

In fact, if the pencil-necked beancounters had their way, the RS3 probably would have a version of the 2.0-liter turbo. After all, it’s found in the Golf R and just about every other MQB machine in the performance end of the VW empire, so it would make a hell of a lot more sense on the balance sheet to simply stick it under the RS3’s low slung hood, turn up the wick, and call it a day. Fortunately, the gearheads at Audi slipped this superb aluminium block past the accountants.

Packing four valves per cylinder and double overhead camshafts, this lone wolf of the five-cylinder world is a full 57 pounds lighter than the engine in the old car and makes 400 horsepower at 5,850 rpm. Max torque of 354 lb-ft is said to be available at that sliver of rev range as well, but comes online as early as 1,700 rpm. Officially, Audi says it can dash to 60 mph from rest in 4.1 seconds, though some buff books have limboed well under the four second bar. All I can tell you is that repeated applications of the RS3’s launch control system introduced my spleen to the front of my chest.

Activating launch control in the RS3 is remarkably easy: put the seven-speed Stronic shifter in S, tap the Drive Mode button into Dynamic, fully depress the brake with your left foot, and bury the throttle with your right. If you’ve done it correctly, the inline-five will rev to 3,500 rpm – squarely in the meat of the torque peak – and remain there until the driver takes their left foot off the brake pedal. Verticalscope’s lawyers are tapping me on the shoulder reminding me to say that this should only be done on a closed course, natch.

Fun fact – a full-on assault of launch control will neatly jettison two medium coffees right out of the RS3’s cupholders. This development caused my passenger so much angst he could not attend his men’s group. At least the lids were tightly secured onto the coffee cups, saving me a trip to the detailer before returning the car to my long-suffering fleet manager.

Not that an RS3 driver needs any extra caffeination, of course; the car will gladly provide all the eye-openers he or she can handle. Aiding that sub four second sprint to sixty is Audi’s Quattro system, tuned here to work in concert with the 2.5-liter and provide grip like that of a cat on sandpaper. Audi’s Haldex-based Quattro system can direct anywhere between 50 to 100 percent of twist to the rear wheels, allowing the front hoops to concentrate on cornering rather than sussing out power delivery. This all but eliminates understeer.

The RS3’s redline is electronically limited to 5,500 rpm upon startup if the engine is cold, lest drivers try to shriek their way to seven grand the instant they back out of the driveway – a decision that would undoubtedly cause expensive noises to emanate from within the bowels of this fantastic five-pot motor.

Audi has been criticized by some (*raises hand*) for its different-lengths-of-sausage approach to sedan styling. In the RS line, though, Ingolstadt has figured out how to make a car look significantly more aggro than its mundane brethren without changing any of the sheetmetal. A new lower air dam and intake grille with “Quattro” hammered into it snarls at oncoming traffic, while side sills flare like a bull’s nostrils. The 35-series Pirelli P-Zero tires are a mere sheen of black paint around a set of 19-inch Anthracite rims. Around back, twin sewer cannons have been deployed for duty as exhaust tips.

It’s an effect that works. Those who knew nothing about cars could still tell this RS3 was something special. Those who were in the know peppered me with parking lot questions. One bespectacled youth, driving a late model four-door GTI, all but bowed to me at the gas pumps. In the VW world, it would seem the RS3 has no peer. Except for its sexy TTRS sister, of course.

The interior does a fine imitation of the R8, with quilted leather seats flared out like a cobra’s hood that grip in all the right places [insert expected juvenile joke here] and a clean dashboard from which all other manufacturers should take note. In the RS3, the infotainment screen does not stand atop the dash like an errant iPad; rather, it motors silently out of sight when not needed, leaving a flush surface behind and minimal distractions for the driver. The screen can be manually lowered, as well. It is a fine place in which to spend time – whether that time is spent cruising the freeway or performing manic rips to 60 mph is up to the driver. The RS3 will happily do either all day.

The Audi inline-five engine has a long history, dating back to when Stig Blomqvist and Walter Röhrl were flying through rally stages and laying waste to their WRC competition in the mid-Eighties. Through its rip-snorting exhaust note, retina-detaching acceleration, and telepathic handling, the RS3 captures that spirit, earning its place in the Audi Sport line.

Unlike the lucky sod who was simply born into the right family but squandered all his good fortune, the RS3 builds upon its heritage and works hard earn its seat at the Audi Sport table.

[Image: © 2017 Matthew Guy/The Truth About Cars]