Waymo Engineer Issues Most Infuriating Car-related Tweet We've Ever Read

The internet is a black hole filled with an endless stream of stupid thoughts and bad ideas. While it’s usually best to ignore it, every so often something breaks through the obnoxious drone of social media that is so egregious, you couldn’t possibly turn a blind eye if you wanted to.

We are obligated to present to you a recent tweet from Vahid Kazemi, a software engineer for Google’s self-driving arm Waymo, and describe how it made us feel.

Kazemi begins his digital announcement stating that he’s driving in Los Angeles. While that isn’t a crime in itself, it is a humblebrag to all the jerks currently occupying flyover states that offer a better standard of living for less money but none of the prestige.

How do I know that? Because I do this all the time, specifically to make myself feel superior to others. Do I actually feel any better when I tell friends in Kalamazoo, Michigan, that I’m currently “enjoying a New York slice?” Not really. But the impulse is too strong to resist when the card is right there for you to play.

Moving on, we come to the infuriating meat of Vahid’s tweet. Here he tells everyone with access to a computer that, over the last two days, he has almost murdered five strangers. He’s also repeatedly lost control of the rental vehicle he has been issued. As someone who drives rentals fairly often, I’ve not had this problem — which means Kazemi is either joking or one of the world’s worst drivers.

However, even if this is just a big goof on his part, there is usually some truth in comedy. I do believe Vahid probably almost killed someone while behind the wheel of a borrowed automobile and I also believe his first impulse was to tweet about it jokingly on a public forum. Which is absolutely hilarious, by the way.

His defense was that the rental didn’t have have the same autonomous features his own car has. We already know that relying on driving aids eventually make you a shittier driver. However, the smugness that comes along with it is a new development. That’s easily the most obnoxious portion of this tweet. Kazemi makes a not-so-subtle case for mandating autonomous vehicles using his own ineptitude as an argument.

I can’t breakdance and I would probably hurt myself pretty badly if I tried. In fact, there’s an video from 2008 of that exact thing happening. But I’m not going to make a blanket statement that indicts breakdancing as evil just because it isn’t a skill I possess. Of course, I don’t work for a company that will make more money once nobody is allowed to breakdance anymore.

Alright, this breakdancing analogy is flying off the rails. The point is that Kazemi said something dumb and contentious without even realizing it. I think that’s what makes this autonomous revolution kind of scary. There’s this sense that it isn’t being controlled by people who love cars. I’m sure the Waymo engineer in question is a fine person, but he said something that outed himself as non-enthusiast bent on ending driving, and that’s rather troubling. It confirms what we’ve all suspected and gives us a face to vent our frustrations upon.

As a result, Vahid ended up being teased over his statement and the zingers kept on coming — even after he deleted the original tweet and posted a backpedaling response (which he also deleted).

[Images via Twitter]