Ask Bark: The Thrill Is Gone (Or Will Be Very Soon)

Charles writes:

Dear Bark,

The 1986 silver, manual Accord Yokohama company car I was lucky enough to cut my teeth on in rural Ohio still comes to me in my dreams as I’m nigh on middle age. Here I am back in Ohio, and I’m sitting on the theoretical cash for my ’15 Golf TDI. My neurotic self vacillates far and wide: country boy F-150, Tacoma, Fusion Sport, Mustang GT, Civic Type R, Accord V6 Touring? My wife will have the family hauler, but I need something fast and mature that will occasionally accommodate my milk-chugging sons.

My wife says I’m too old for a civic, and she thinks a truck is “trying too hard.” The joy of the car fantasy ceases as soon as you drive one home. This is my struggle: once I choose the car I lose the potentiality. What’s my problem? What’s my car?

Oh, boy. Here comes some tough love. Buckle up.

First things first — I don’t give a hoot what your wife thinks, and neither should you. I’m hoping that you haven’t spent the first half of your life kowtowing to her, because that likely means that you’re in for a rough second act. Get the car you want, as long as it fits within your budget, and tell her to go suck eggs.

Now, as far as the car choice is concerned — no, you’re not “too old” for a Civic, any more than I’m “too old” for a Focus, and the “trying too hard” comment makes my teeth hurt. Or maybe that’s because I’m drinking Coca-Cola at 8:30 in the morning. But whatever. This might sound odd coming from me — perhaps the most vain person in the Western Hemisphere — but people aren’t thinking about your car choice nearly as much as you think they are. Sure, if you have some awesome neon green Civic Type R, other drivers might take notice for a nanosecond, but then they’ll go on about their business. F-150s are so ubiquitous that nobody gives them a second thought, regardless of how lifted and blingy they are. So if you want your car to be mature, great. But don’t get something “mature” because you’re concerned about perceptions.

I do, however, totally get what you’re saying about the thrill of the anticipation of the purchase. Once you actually get the car, you’re now just making a payment on what is now essentially a used car — and if you’re like most Americans, you’ll be doing it for five years or longer. So don’t get caught up in the emotional aspects of the purchase. Pick the car that you think will be rewarding over the long haul, that you’ll look forward to driving each and every day.

I feel like you’ve included the Accord V6 because this is TTAC and that’s what everybody in the comments will tell you to get, but it just doesn’t jibe with your other choices. Toss it. And as much as I love the Fusion Sport, I don’t think it lights your heart on fire. Nix that one, too.

No, to me, your choice appears to be between an F-150, Mustang GT, or Civic Type R. And as somebody who’s done the occasional person-hauling in a Mustang, let me tell you — it works just fine. I’ve had grown men and women in the back seat for half-hour rides, and they survived. Is it ideal? No. Will the Mustang put more smiles on your face the 90 percent of the time you’re not carrying kids? Absolutely.

Go buy your Mustang GT and enjoy the hell out of it every day. And if your wife doesn’t like it, as far as I know, there are other wives available.

Disclaimer: Bark M.’s advice might get you divorced. But if you still want it, email him at barkm302@gmail.com and follow him on the Twitters and Instagrams

[Image: Ford Motor Company]