Hammer Time: Let's Party Like It's 1989

Steven Lang
by Steven Lang

Wake up. Have breakfast. Head off to work. Wait… you need to put on some decent clothes for goodness sake! You’re not a teenager anymore.

You put on the finest thrift store clothes you can find and head off to your car and… wow! Who put a Delorean with a flux capacitor and gullwing doors on your driveway?

Weren’t these supposed to be the ride of the future at some point? After watching an old guy and a young dude head off to your friend Biff’s soon to be foreclosed home, you get a twinkling thought that quickly becomes a ‘gotta do’.

“I wonder if I can go back in time and trade this thing in on something nice.” Hey, no one said you were smart.

You quickly go to the bank and get out $53,000 (approximately $100k in today’s dollars but who’s counting?) After quickly buckling your seat belt, you set the date Novermber 5, 1989 and blast off into a dimension that is named in honor of Steven Spielberg.

You’re back in 1989 time with Huey Lewis & The News providing the audio for your journey. After a brief stop to buy some brand new MC Hammer pants you find an enormous auto park.

You name the brand and it’s there; from Acura to Yugo. Heck there’s even a Winnebago dealership in the back with this guy making a bit of history.

What will you buy?

There is a lot to choose from. The Mazda Miata. A Lexus LS400, an E-Class Mercedes (sorry no S-Class since the price is too high). You can go to an Infiniti dealership with a babbling brook and get yourself a Q-Ship. Or get a 300ZX Turbo with enough left over to upgrade the circa 1989 stereo system.

What will you get? Oh and don’t worry about the return trip. That flux capacitor on the DeLorean can be easily removed and installed on your new ride. Just use the Clapper.

Steven Lang
Steven Lang

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  • PeugeotHound PeugeotHound on Aug 17, 2011

    Top choice for me, no surprise, would be a Peugeot 405 Mi16, followed closely by an Alfa Romeo Milano 3.0.

  • BOF BOF on Aug 17, 2011

    I'll take a brand new 1990 Buick Estate Wagon or Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser off the showroom floor, thank you! This was the last year for the box B-body wagons. These were quite rare when new and you don't see many around anymore. Wagons in general need to make a comeback!

  • Namesakeone If I were the parent of a teenage daughter, I would want her in an H1 Hummer. It would be big enough to protect her in a crash, too big for her to afford the fuel (and thus keep her home), big enough to intimidate her in a parallel-parking situation (and thus keep her home), and the transmission tunnel would prevent backseat sex.If I were the parent of a teenage son, I would want him to have, for his first wheeled transportation...a ride-on lawnmower. For obvious reasons.
  • ToolGuy If I were a teen under the tutelage of one of the B&B, I think it would make perfect sense to jump straight into one of those "forever cars"... see then I could drive it forever and not have to worry about ever replacing it. This plan seems flawless, doesn't it?
  • Rover Sig A short cab pickup truck, F150 or C/K-1500 or Ram, preferably a 6 cyl. These have no room for more than one or two passengers (USAA stats show biggest factor in teenage accidents is a vehicle full of kids) and no back seat (common sense tells you what back seats are used for). In a full-size pickup truck, the inevitable teenage accident is more survivable. Second choice would be an old full-size car, but these have all but disappeared from the used car lots. The "cute small car" is a death trap.
  • W Conrad Sure every technology has some environmental impact, but those stuck in fossil fuel land are just not seeing the future of EV's makes sense. Rather than making EV's even better, these automakers are sticking with what they know. It will mean their end.
  • Add Lightness A simple to fix, strong, 3 pedal car that has been tenderized on every corner.
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