Freaky Friday: Russians Just Know How to Have a Good Time, Period

Steph Willems
by Steph Willems

Maybe it’s the cold, the dodgy economy, or lingering memories of decades spent lining up for milk. Whatever the motivation, Russians don’t seem to need the latest and greatest high-tech gadget to help them pass the time. Nope, just grab a few friends, spend a few rubles amassing a collection of ancient hatchbacks, and hit the ice.

The winter of 2017 has brought an inventive new sport to the frozen wastes of the Motherland, and locals can thank a plethora of worthless, Soviet-era crapwagons for the entertainment. Apparently, there are automobiles worth less than stones.

In the snowy city of Yekaterinburg, the hardly inhabitants of Sverdlovsk Oblast can thank the lowly VAZ-1111 Oka for their new pastime of auto curling. Yes, it’s the same game of precision, boredom and confusing scoring that takes place in buildings you hope to never enter, only with larger rocks. In this case, two-cylinder ones.

Designed in the late 1970s, the Oka eventually made it to production in 1988 and lingered until 2008. Looking like an even cheaper version of the Ford Festiva, the bargain-basement Oka was renowned for its cheapnesss, inexpensiveness, affordability, low ownership costs, and off-road ability. Its 650 cc twin was actually a Lada Samara engine cut in half.

Perhaps the city of Yekaterinburg was still annoyed by all the press a certain city to the south got a few years back with its explode-y asteroid. Certainly, it figured it was about damn time for an event worthy of national publicity. (A 1979 military anthrax outbreak notwithstanding.) So, on a large public skating rink, it cobbled together two teams of Oka drivers. Just like in a regular game of curling, the teams attempted to slide their “stone” closest to the bulls-eye painted on the ice.

In order to lighten the vehicles, and for safety, window glass and engines were jettisoned pre-tournament. Thus, the cars got underway in the same manner as a curling stone, minus the seemingly pointless sweeping and incessant cries of “hurry haaaard!” What does that even mean?

“Loud bangs could be heard all around, as the fragile Okas, cars that were considered somewhat a joke even by Soviet consumers brought up on Ladas, clattered into each other,” reported RT.

The winning team walked away with approximately $1,600, which could buy dozens, if not hundreds, of VAZ-1111 Okas.

[Image capture: TACC/ YouTube]

Steph Willems
Steph Willems

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  • Gtem Gtem on Mar 24, 2017

    "The winning team walked away with approximately $1,600, which could buy dozens, if not hundreds, of VAZ-1111 Okas." $1600 is about 90k rubles give or take. A really rusty non-runner Oka could probably be found for 5k rubles, 10k for a really rough runner. Also worth looking at in the crazy world of Russian motorsports is ZiL farm truck racing: https://youtu.be/hEX9rlHQTFE

  • Art Vandelay Art Vandelay on Mar 27, 2017

    In Russia...car crashes YOU!!!

  • CoastieLenn Having formerly worked for Coca Cola (and subsequently having to be part of the union), I'm of the opinion that Unions haven't actually served a viable purpose on the US landscape since about 1971 when OSHA was created. At that point, their main "reason for existence" became threatened so they had to create a new reason to exist- workforce protection. With the passage of the federal Fair Labor Standards Act in 1938 which created the Wage and Hour Commission under the Department of Labor, unions took a huge punch to the guts. Ironically, the FLSA was enacted 3 years after the UAW was formed!Now, all the really serve to do is ensure that ole Bill on that forklift that makes 4x the hourly wage of the younger guys but is 33% as productive can almost never lose his job or seniority based off performance. Bill should have retired 7 years ago, but he's gonna milk the cow for all its worth, and the Union knows it and the company can do nothing about it. /rant
  • Sobhuza Trooper No downside to the all-weather tires was mentioned.If they're perfect, then just say so.
  • Aja8888 The Tesla service center near me has 12 bays (full all the time) and parking for at least as many cars waiting for service or parts. No oil changes allowed though! Oh, they don't offer a loner vehicle like Lexus does.
  • Lorenzo BTW, GM sold 130,342 Malibu's in 2023, up from 115,467 in 2022. They can't make a profit on that volume?
  • Jeff There were much worse vehicles to drive at the time than a Cavalier or Sunfire at least they were for the most part reliable and affordable. Its funny that many people complain about there not being enough affordable, reliable, and efficient cars available but complain about them when they are available. At least when you bought a new Cavalier or Sunfire you did not have to mortgage your future and your children's future to buy one like many of today's vehicles. Are most people really better off with a 50k to 100k truck that is more than what most need and is above what many can afford?
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