Piston Slap: LS4-FTW, or Much Ado "Abboud" Nothing?

Sajeev Mehta
by Sajeev Mehta

Duncan writes:

Sajeev,

OK, I’ll bite on your request for more queries. Here’s a couple:

  1. I recently purchased a 2015 Genesis Coupe. I’ve swapped out the stock air intake for the R2C if, for no other reason, than to get rid of the sound tube pumping noise into the car. (At least there wasn’t an accompanying audio soundtrack. Looking at you, BMW.) The car rips at the top end (yeah, I know, for a V6… I know my place on the food chain), but I was wondering what you would recommend to boost low-end torque. I’m not looking for a supercharger-grade improvement; just a bit more off the line.
  2. My parents have offered to give me their 2002 Buick Regal GS Joseph Abboud Edition (low miles, driven to church on Sunday). It’s tempting to take it on as a project car. Assuming I acquire their sleeper and have $3,000 to spend on performance improvements, what should I do first… and second? Do you even try to address the handling, or do you just shrug it off and go for moar powah?

Keep up the good work!

Sajeev answers:

Quick and easy for the Genesis: After you read this fantastic write up on gencoupe.com, find an ECU tuner that can promise you an improvement in low-end torque. The factory tune often limits it for safety and emissions reasons, hence the need for a quality aftermarket tune.

Sometimes, though less often in the last 10+ years, the factory exhaust manifolds are a significant low-end torque restriction. Since damn near all modern engines have brilliantly designed cast manifolds, I doubt headers shall help, but researching deeper than Google never killed anyone. Or not, because you’ve maxed out the Genesis’ 3.8 without resorting to forced induction, NOS kits, or more displacement.

Hence the need for:

That’s right, son! Can you smell what the Abboud GS LS4-FTW Regal is cooking? I can!

Now I don’t wanna hear you naysayers suggest an overboosted, supercharged 3.8 V-6 instead. Your valid logic about it being (probably) cheaper and (definitely) easier to install on a GM W-body shall fall on deaf ears. Nor shall you mention the blown V-6 is powerful enough to grenade the (stock) transaxle on the drag strip’s first hard launch, hence no need to trouble yourself for two more cylinders.

Your facts are wholly irrelevant when I recline in the occasionally chocolate brown slipcovers of an Abboud Regal whilst indulging in the sound of a lumpy-cammed LS4.

As a founding member of the Brown Car Appreciation Society, the group that (probably) inspired the brown manual diesel wagon phenomenon, focus your entire life on that Abboud Regal. That whip — from the bad-old days of GM Beancounting when it was okay to cost cut even the Abboud’s uprated Brown trim — deserves a cammed LS4-FTW. It’ll be the best thing about the previous decade of motoring.

So drop everything and neglect everything else until you have The World’s First LS4-FTW Regal GS Abboud. You’ll certainly be my hero.

Send your queries to sajeev@thetruthaboutcars.com. Spare no details and ask for a speedy resolution if you’re in a hurry…but be realistic, and use your make/model specific forums instead of TTAC for more timely advice.


Sajeev Mehta
Sajeev Mehta

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44 of 111 comments
  • S2k Chris S2k Chris on Nov 03, 2015

    Abboud? Is that a real thing?? I thought it was the Mens Wearhouse store brand when I bought one of their suits for...something...once for like $300.

    • See 41 previous
    • Drzhivago138 Drzhivago138 on Nov 04, 2015

      @S2k Chris 37" chest, 30" waist. Nothing fits me.

  • Namesakeone Namesakeone on Nov 04, 2015

    Somehow, in the case of the Genesis, I think I would be inclined to leave the car alone, thus to preserve the best part of ANY (new) Hyundai...the 100,000 mile warranty. Any modifications would almost certainly void it.

  • Namesakeone If I were the parent of a teenage daughter, I would want her in an H1 Hummer. It would be big enough to protect her in a crash, too big for her to afford the fuel (and thus keep her home), big enough to intimidate her in a parallel-parking situation (and thus keep her home), and the transmission tunnel would prevent backseat sex.If I were the parent of a teenage son, I would want him to have, for his first wheeled transportation...a ride-on lawnmower. For obvious reasons.
  • ToolGuy If I were a teen under the tutelage of one of the B&B, I think it would make perfect sense to jump straight into one of those "forever cars"... see then I could drive it forever and not have to worry about ever replacing it. This plan seems flawless, doesn't it?
  • Rover Sig A short cab pickup truck, F150 or C/K-1500 or Ram, preferably a 6 cyl. These have no room for more than one or two passengers (USAA stats show biggest factor in teenage accidents is a vehicle full of kids) and no back seat (common sense tells you what back seats are used for). In a full-size pickup truck, the inevitable teenage accident is more survivable. Second choice would be an old full-size car, but these have all but disappeared from the used car lots. The "cute small car" is a death trap.
  • W Conrad Sure every technology has some environmental impact, but those stuck in fossil fuel land are just not seeing the future of EV's makes sense. Rather than making EV's even better, these automakers are sticking with what they know. It will mean their end.
  • Add Lightness A simple to fix, strong, 3 pedal car that has been tenderized on every corner.
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